Maybe I should cut down my drinking ?

I feel I am starting to get to the heart of things - dredging up stuff from my past and rethinking my ideas. Taking a fresh approach to my life on the road - Naples has shown me my wilder side and also my more vunerable side. I miss mum and dad - and they got cut off too early by that car smash - so I have felt lost for some time - but now, here - amidst a continuing drinking and benson binge I think I am starting to see the wood for the trees. "I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all obstacles in my way" - and one of them is Frank - the type of guy I fall in with (fall is the right word !) - because they are owest common denominator - i.e. we share the booze and the fags - think of little else - pontificate philosophy briefly and then return to the booze at hand - in fact very little hard core philosophising really goes on - it is mostly where you are going to get your next drink. So I have been thinking about this (obviously aided by a sweet white wine and sparkling water - for freshness) and i think I am going to have to cut down - horror of horrors. But the thing is I need a clearer mind to make some better decisions about the people I hang out with on these epic travels around the globe and also I need to straighten out and move on from the death of my parents. So all in all I think I am taking one small step for mankind - one giant leap for Esten. I will start by restricting myself to two bottles only of this Leibfraumuck. Good start - and I mean to go on as I have started so this should be interesting. Anyone still out there ? yawn ? yawn ? time for bed. (by the way please do read the poem I wrote yesterday that I posted on this ace poetry site, I think it sums me up pretty wellat the moment - by the way whoever Fester Bryan is, what a great name and what a top poet he is, I am a big fan of that geek - he seems to talk some weird shit but it sometimes makes a very vivid sense to me - is it only me ?)

Coffee, Coffee and More Coffee (and lots of eggs)

No alcohol today (except 3 beers at lunchtime) - but lots of coffee at the Bracciano cafes. Also quite a few eggs - so good job no-one is too close to me today. I have delayed Naples and the fish supper (me playing Jesus with Petra and April as the disciples and maybe a stray cat as Judas, but then the location would be wrong, so perhaps it will just be a straightforward fish meal at a restaurant of our choosing at the time of our choosing in Naples - Naples style. But anyway, I am still here into my Grey Period, out of the black and into the Grey. That is like the men in suits, I scurry around doing my thing occasionally worrying that there ought to be more to life or travelling than just this, but not being THAT bothered by it.

So the Grey Period eh ? what does that all mean - I am in a non colourful segment of the journey - everything does seem the colour of the third way, grey and in between Black and White. But, Still, I am eating eggs and lots of coffee to keep me at it. What it is I do not yet pretend to fathom, but I do know that although I have made no connections with Italians in this fine town (and the last Italian I did hook up with was Francesco, and he seemed keen in the end to put a line betweeen us, maybe we did overstay our welcome, but I think he will look back at those days with a fond memory, if he can still remember after all that whisky) I am getting happier here now and the slope is upwards but I am climbing it gently without a rope.

So, when do I leave - when do I wrench myself away from this pretty town ?, host to both my Black and my Grey periods - well I think may be tomorrow. That is if I can get some sleep after all this coffee !! Good Night and sweet dreams.