Me and My Hip Flask do the tourist thing

Perhaps Seville is best for waiting around in and firstly because there is no coast for me to bum around on the beach and waste my time and also there are great historic places. Bianca is still leaving me hangin on and I had a shock of when today I went to Jerez and then quickly came back because I was confused by the Coach service and arriving back in Seville from peaceful Jerez at the ultra modern Estacion Santa Justa I was immediately conscious of arriving in a big city that is, to put no finer point on it, absolutely crawling with tourists resembling androids and ants, spiders earwigs and beetles, scorpions (some of them) and pick pockets. It’s all a bit daunting. Of course I like the Cathedral (1402-1506) and it is fine and dandy with all the Moorish influences, built on the site of the previously most rectangular of mosques, it is actually bigger than St Paul’s Cathedral at eleven and a half square metres. It is huge and gloomy, dripping with religious overtones, black mist descends upon me and I start to feel sick, and pretty empty really, good place to escape from the ants. There is a Christopher Columbus chapel, but for the I went today for the whole story, and to visited the old stock-exchange across the way, which now houses the archives of the Indies with some pretty fascinating stuff, including Columbus’s log. People march in, they march out, then they put thier left leg in and so on in a kind of moronic dance of the tourist - sorry for this rant but I have had to do something today while waiting for Bianca to join me on my adventure of a lifetime and I got bored of tourists pushing and barging me so I moved onto the the Alcazar, which is an astonishing Palace, genuinely spectacular. And so on - what a day - bored one minute then getting into it - and all the while my friendly little hip flask kept me company (fine French cognac this time) and plenty of nice aromatic Fortunas Cigarettes and a casual flick of the ash here and a cynical flick of the ash there and I guess I was OK. And apparently the Romans used this site and when the Arabs came it was infamous for a sexy palace that contained a harem of eight hundred women some of them possibly as big as Bianca. Pedro the Cruel lived here with his mistress Maria de Padilla who was lusted and dreamt of and chased after by all the upright men of the court - and quite right too. So by now I needed a beer so I ducked into teh black of a Seville Inn and had a couple and wiped the sweat off my brow - Jesus wept - another day in waiting - I am Binaca's man in waiting - I will do her hair and advise on gowns. Waht on earth will I do tomorrow - I may do a duck and get rat arsed for a week - why not I have the money and it might be fun - Watch This Space - If I can still write coherently.....

Chilli Vodka

So now I am settling in to the waiting game here in my Seville hotel room with little flakey flameco guitarists on the walls and pastel lampshades. The air is muggy and my socks stink. But I am waiting for the big big prize of Bianca the nanny. So I have spent many hours drinking the couple of bottles of chilli vodka I got yesterday and listening to long free forming from Under Mother Bungalow - avid readers will now know I am a big fan of this lot from Brighton UK and I hope they are doing well in their chosen ways. Is anyone out there !!!
So hot ho hot vodka scarring my throat with its alcoholic spiciness and niceness.... all on my own again, standing on my head for hours and occasionally allowing so much spittle to ooze out of my mouth that I must look like I am dying. BUT I AM NOT DYING - I am very much alive - alive with the idea of traipsing around Europe and I hope other continents with the Big Bouncy Bianca Babe, she of the ability to squash me with one misplaced show of affection. Of course I am now drawing up a list and I have Berlin, Wasaw, Sicily, Tunis, Cairo, Istanbul and Bognor (well maybe not). I think Bianca mentioned St Tropez and Corfu. We will have to agree to disagree and that may well be the fun of it all - or we will just have to split up and go our separate ways - in the full realisation that we would never be comatible and never settle on where to go. WHO KNOWS - I am looking forward to the challenge and doing something in new bars.

Poem for Bianca

Quick bit of Bianca inspired poetry coming up - I think she is heading for a momentous decision to tour around the hotspots with me to who knows where, and I can feel a heavy adventure coming on with this heavy lady of the nanny trade.

Oh Heavy Lady of the Nanny Trade

Oh heavy lady of the nanny trade
Forget your billowing thighs and ride with me
To the best places in the world
Where we can drink Stella and Wine
Vodka and Whisky
Smoke the local cigarettes
And dance the dance of a thousand cultures
Yes ! Drop the nannying and nanny me
Through Customs and narrow streets
Wide thoroughfares and smoky bars
Hotel rooms anonymous or palatial
Countryside devine
Where maybe we can find the perfect meadow of wild flowers to
Lie in and have a huge picnic

Esten Walker

Bianca Comes up Trumps (perhaps)

Bumped into Bianca today and saw her fat wobbly legs billowing on a bike ! I don't mind one bit and I told her as much - but this time there was no wack round the head with a handbag, just a grimace then a cheeky laugh - she then rode off towards her nanny work - I ran after her and she nearly wobbled off - and I physically removed her from her bike and got her into a bar near the bus station where I offered her a Fortuna and we drank a cool beer and she told me how she was going to leave her job soon because she "can't stick it" much longer coz they are "F%^&%$£ W4353kers" !! and I told her to wash her mouth out with soap but she said she prefers whiskey and a chaser so I bought her a large one of both and we got into a very good conversation about the strengths and weaknesses of Seville and I explained my situation. She found it all very interesting - the never ending quest round Europe and the world for rest, relaxation, excitement and comradeship and NOT working. I told her about the film work in Barcelona and even the dodgy situation I got into with that women and Ricardo and the frightening time I had after. I ended up trying to persuade her to join me on a bit of a quest and she is very tempted - she says she MUST work for at least a week more to get the dosh these pratty parents are going to pay her - and then instead of doing another month which she is due to she is sorely inclined to join me on the expedition of a lifetime through the haunts and wild side of wherever. So hanging round here aint so bad - More Seville I can handle - and I got another round in and lit a Fortuna the wrong way round. Life is like grid of squares - most of us choose one and stick with it - but I intend to hop about like a mad man over all of the squares regardless of colour race or creed. Hopefully there will be Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll along the way without the drugs because they do my head in too much and I need a straight head for all the drink I have to savour - Regional Varieties of drink excite me and have become a bit of a hobby of mine. Ahhhh Bianca - we are surely going to have so much fun !!

Wheel of Fortuna

I now have to decide really, do I stay here because I really do like this city - or do I move on because I'm not meeting enough like minded people who want to share a beer and a wine with an Englishman from Barking. I also cut my foot and lost a lot of blood - which made me feel woozy and that has got me thinking. So a move may be on the cards. I went for a ong walk by the Canal Alfonso XIII and took in the Spring Sunshine and got very sweaty - looked forward to some Beach Fun !! in the summer I have got to get down and with it on the surf and sand somewhere. I dipped into a very shady bar and sat down with my shades on drinking a bottle of local vino tinto and miding my own business when who should walk in but a crowd of Stag Party nutters from Stoke. I listened as they whooped it up a bit and I asked them why they all had "Lost in a Blaze Crew" on their matching T Shirts but got no coherent answer and it was then that I made my mind up to wander ou and change city soon, because I need some breaks and they aint happening to me at the moment - cut foot, lonely in some ways and I remembered fondly even Frank in Naples and the drunken nights - he was a pain but at least he was company. So Decision time in the offing and a momentous one at that I think in all honesty it is time to spin the wheel of fortuna and smoke a cigarette before they are banned everywhere. I may head for France again

Religion

Oh my Sweet lord ! - Went back to Zapata last night after a row with a wild dog and to calm my nerves down some swift beers and engaged in Religious discussions with some youngsters. Oh Blimey - they seem so open to the rubbish of the new age and I feel it is leading them up the garden path into the rubbish tip at the back of the house where Stig lives (if you have read the book you will know what I mean). These particular youngsters seemed to be engaged in a Buddhist come Christian come Druid kind of philosophy which I admit bamboozled me and, as a stick in the mud Agnostic with heavy Atheist tendencies (being a betting man what else can I be - although its not worth a bet (life after death and all that Jazz) because I wont be here to collect) - in fact it will mean nothing - and nothingness will be all pervasive - the ultimate black - not even a hole. This discussion went on for a couple of hours and friends turned up and went and then I smoked one too many Fortunas and started hacking a nasty cough which put them off a bit - being clean living types so I retired

Cool it Down

Belatedly I will say unlucky to Spurs for so nearly knocking out this fair city of Seville but just not quite getting up to the mark to pull it off like Man Utd did with their dance of death all over those poor Roma bodies. Thought I would start off with a topically late bit of football since I come from UK and can talk the beautiful game with the worst of them in the pub with 6 pints of stella and plenty of Bensons clogging up my throat. Talking of which, I am moving on in a big way to Fortunas here in this fair city of beauty and wine - when in Spain, smoke like a Spaniard - which means smoke a lot - just not when you are showering - all other times are fair game. I puffed my way through two packs yesterday and had such a dry throat at the end of it all I had to down a bottle of finest Rioja to cool it down. I am still barring it up with the occasional companion Cordia and also Bianca from Wigan who is here working as a nanny - nice red gear and brown tan with plenty of curves - but she works most of the time so I have actually only spoken to her for 10 minutes and I got a handbag round the ears for calling her plump.

Bars and More Bars in Seville

In an typical foolhardy attempt at ingratiating myself into the Seville Bar Scene I took on the huge variety of venues in a small central town area and hit the booze with big time gusto which started well. I started by visiting four or five completely different bars without staggering more than ten minutes between any of them, and had a chat with people who speak my lingo who could explain the ‘scene’. In sentences of more than two syllabals and a kindness that I so obviously crave after the dumping I have received lately from females. So, anyways up Cordia tells me in fractured splintered English, which is the best I can get, that the main areas are: Alfalfa, and Pérez Galdós which is my hit spot for next weekend to get hot and sweaty with people in close proximity; Alameda, which has a more alternative scene, with lots of gay bar gay bar gay bar and clubs – the packed trouser and moustache brigade in keen macho attendance; and calle Betis by the river in Triana, which is wall-to-wall with venues, from quiet peaceful bars where I can drift into a pleasant stupour, to all-night clubs.
Last night I stayed long and drank hard – many Tequilas tickling my throat at Zapata where I met Cordia and her friend Rachel (Danish/Portuguese bombshell who left a crater in my heart when her boyfriend Carlos turned up and whisked her off to his flat for a night of passion). Foundsomewhere to have Bacon and Eggs in a Spain style a la Seville and then persuaded Cordia to accompany me to Bluebar Cafe where I drank too much beer.

Expressing Myself Through Art

Gently Gently - gently does it - I'm not the biggest loser - I have a mighty weight on my brain in the form of a depression but on the other hand I am in a great town - SEVILLE and I have got the time to knock out some art - see my Seville inspired artwork here - Good aint it? and there is no better way to get over that Polish whirlwind than to concentrate on some of the higher things like being as creative as one can possibly squeeze out of oneself until the creative pips come bursting out and fill the cup that spilleth over in a flood of artistic juice. Nice one - that is my bent for now, and drinking the local vino tinto and getting my razzle dazzled by some of the laid backness that goes on in this fair city. I am oled up in a smal 3 star hotel and am out all day with my pencils sketching abstracts in bars and beholding the light and vivacity - Oh gor blimey guvnor. So I may be knocked sideways and spilling metaphorical blood all over my carpet, but I am finding a way out and it is a long narrow route with white walls and no windows but it is my route and I intend to stick to it with only the occasional rest.

Its Gone Wrong Already !!

Its all turned very sour , very quickly. I should have known it was going to be a bad day when I cut myself very badly shaving. A huge gaping wound spilling woth blood all over Riki's new white shirt, laid on the old Spanish chair in our Seville hotel room. Bugger, Buggeration godammit !! Cut on the chin was soon followed by clout on head and in our new found romantic sign language it was then followed by a slamming door. I was left to ponder where it had all gone wrong. Why, when the passion of the flamenco and tapas had seemed to be charging me and her with a new found enrgy - why had it all come to a sudden stop... Bastardos della fortuana mal chance BUGGER...

Fish in Spain

Seville is the home of my Dreams

I must say Seville is blooming lovely - I've met a young Polish visitor who calls herself Riki and we have been going around sampling the life here and the wine and beer. Its been a whirlwind of concoctions, tastes and passion. Flamenco music and erotic flirtations, and my vomiting episodes recently have been all but forgotten. I have wined and dined with Riki taking in the heady gypsy romantic Spanish vibe that is Seville, already hot and sweaty, and gently on simmer before the Summer starts roasting. I have forgotten the stupidities of the filming job in Barcelona where really it is true, I bit off more than I should have attempted to chew. So Riki is at one time bringing me firmly back too earth and also swooping me into the blue sky with her charming ways. She does not speak a word of English and we commumicate by groove and jive signage with a twist of smiles and burps, farts and skips. Its really weirs and wonderful. Only in Seville - home of my dreams.

Seville

Yes - oh Yes - I have arrived in my natural home - oh yes - I am here right now, stuffing my face full of the most wonderful olives - and scoffing Tapas like a small dish nerd, and I Lurve it - in fact I think I will stay here some time - it feels like my city. I arrived here by bus of all things !! started off at the Plaza de Armas Bus Station chewing my gum and acting cool, took a stroll down to Museo de Bellas Artes and it knocked my block off. The museum was formerly the Convento de la Merced Calzada and knocked up in 1612 by a guy called Juan de Oviedo. Today the restored structure has a superb collection of Spanish art and sculpture, including work by Murillo, Juan de Valdes Leal, Francisco de Zurbaran and Valeriano Becquer. I kick out and shimmy off feeling much better after all that vomiting the other day and hey - here is the Plaza Neueva, there isPlaza Salvador, Plaza Alfalfa and the Train Station and bars - loads of bars to drink wine - NICE

Dicky Tummy

Ahhh - Glorious April - I remember Spring in a non parched land eith the smell of the daffodils - well it is a bit springy around here - but not half as springy as my arse - Its bouncing on the toilet seat every half hour - and these runs just don't seem to let up - I must be losing so much weight that I will have no beer gut left to show off my travels if I am not careful. It all started last night in my mini hotel room - The lady Garlanda or something in the room next to saw me bent double in the corridor and gave me some Diorolite which worked for a bit - she contacted the Hotel Manager Fatty Raoul - who stunk of some kebab like substance and made me want to vomit. They just layed me up in my room and I have been snoozing spasmodically and running for the loo ever since. It'll only last a bit longer - I can feel my appetite coming back and then I think I will eat something and then sod this hiding away lark - I am heading for Granada and Seville in Southern Spain - should be nice - touch of the old flamencos and lots of Red Wine and Brandy and I suppose some Bensons. Must be off - got an appointment to plonk my arse in a hole.

Headache Blues

Terrible headache the last few days = pain and anguish. No, I have not been beaten to a pulp, but I guess I have been worried by the thought of it, so much so that i have taken to wearing a kind of disguise, SUNGLASSES, HAT, hawaiin shirts and I have taken to smoking Cuban Cigars and I have a weeks stubble nearing some kind of beard type structure on my chin. The only thing that stops the headache is a good bit of traditional English binge drinking - but I hold back until noon- because I do not want to draw too much attention to myself - and as it is for purely medicinal purposes I treat it as a medicinal challenge and try to get myself the best treatment I can which round where i am at the moment - All I will say is SOUTHERN SPAIN - i think is the Brandy, Wine and Beer in that order. So that takes up most of my time, althoug I am getting to see the countryside on some walks and even once on horseback which was thrilling because the horse was a tough galloper with a feisty mind of its own. So the days trickle on like treacle and I mender down the alleys and up the hills with my trusty Havana and a couple of bottles of the local brew and vino - HEAVY on the back !! but strictly necessary ! - Its the good life if it were not for the worry of being turned into a stiff - and this rampaging headache ...