Monday 29 January 2007

Recovery Period

Hotel Aberdeen in Rome, one of the many places to stay when on holiday in Italy - love it !
Lost a day yesterday, so I have lived one less day this year than all of you. I recovered slightly from my spiking at the Trevi and managed to swap back to my favorite haunt, the hotel Aberdeen on the Via Firenze. Luckily I had nothing to do yesterday - but then do I ever ? So I slept the worst of the hallucegenic madness off and woke up sup at 7am this morning - still seeing things in vivid colours and everything ourple was pink and vice versa. Blackness overcame me at 8am but that was OK because again there was nought to do except thank my luck stars I had not been arrested by the cops, or mugged by a knife gang. So I thanked my lucky stars of which I have none. The day dragged on slowly in my room of drawn curtains and smelly socks. I tried to do some pressups at 13.00 and at 14.00 and managed about 13 both times. Could I live through my apocalypse now and become fit at the same time. I certainly was paranoid about setting foot outside the door. Faint worries of tuba playing angels haunted me and any vaguely tuba like sound disturbed me, fortunately there were not many of these, except the hotel plumbing sometimes sounded off.


My day became cut like a slow motion centrepiece set to the music of dripping taps and tuba plumbing with the Gregorian Monks chanting in my head. I kept sweating and gritting my teeth and thinking I had to do some huge mission somewhere. Then Bob called my new V3 Motorola (nice phone camera) and We had a chat that I think I understood much better than he did, although when he suggested coming out and getting me back I told him to behave and that Sharon would not appreciate leaving her in her state. He sounded like a boring shrew and I was repulsed by him, I could not understand why I had liked him ever, and realised that it was just because we had worked together, and that he ws not my type, the snivelling bore. So in the spirit of honesty I felt duty bound to adhere to I told him and that was the end of that little conversation.


So now to sleep in the midst of uneasy dreams and revalations - thankgod we do not live in facist times and I am free to roam - well at least lie around my room in a state. Tomorrow I head for Naples and some long promised fish.



Saturday 27 January 2007

Spiked at the Trevi Fountain

Farm holidays in UK compared with a day lying flat on your back at the TREVI fountain in Rome - think about the farm it may be better for a family
One moment to tell you about - the moment today at the Trevi fountain whe I cracked - lay down flat and stared at the sky for over five hours. My angels of desperate pleading, Petra and April left me to my own devices and I just stared up at the clouds. Soon I felt a dizzying epiphany and had the distinct impression I was levitating - my muse,the clouds, appeared to part and into the blackness of the blue sky appeared a charlatan angel with a tuba and a light sabre. The image floated above me for what seemed like an eternity and the poor thing struggled with the tuba, in fact so much that the angel became quite flustered. Of course I knew that this was a nasty trick played by the horned females and their flatulent queen Roger Fritti. So here I was drugged with some hallucagen and in serious danger of being arrested, so I tried to recapture some sanity and look as if Inddor Pool holidays in UK compared with a day lying flat on your back at the TREVI fountain in Rome - think about the indoor pool, it may be better for a familyI was just having a rest. But I was quite far gone. So I hummed my mantra - Omni deus, omni deus, omni deus and the next time I looked at my watch it was 6.15 in the evening and I felt quite a washout. I was helped to my feet by a group of Austrian Tourists. Staggered back to my hotel and drank two bottles of Chianti to straighten out and fell asleep.

Thursday 25 January 2007

Via Del Corso pad incident

Horse riding down the Via Del Corso or elsewhere in Italy - sounds funny - or sounds fun ?
Found Petra and April staying at a groovy chap's Centre of city Pad on the top floor of a tall building on Via Del Corso. This Groovy Chap is called Roger Fritti and he is American Italian and I think he has managed to bed both these bruisers They all seem chummy as hell like Rita Bob and Sue and they are sharing one big in joke that I am out of. So I sit in this chic all white with black gizmos apartment and ask if I can use the Jacuzzi. Roger says I ca but when I do all I can hear is giggling and laughing nd guffaws and I think sod this so I storm into his fluffy lounge and see them all there drinking champagne and draping themselves over each oher and Roger like the harlots that they really are. I stammer something incoherent about going to Naples and eating fsh and they just laugh some more. Petra then lays inro me about whether i am over my lakeside visions, and April snorts and calls me an old bag man. I realise they are drunk, so I request some alcohol and Roger calls me a dear chap and of course you can "darling" and so I steam into some Vodka Breeze. We all go out on a balcony and I feel better when I join in ranting to the breeze, but that is quickly dampened by April telling me quietly to sod off. I refuse and put on a big King Lear act and betray my pompousness and then face them off - "Why are you being so horrible to me ?" that is the burning question - and then they both look at me with frightening intensity "Because we have been up for 72 hours on pure amphetamine sulphate and champagne and we need to pick on you " says Petra - "Oh I see" I say - that explains it. Roger waddles over with a glass and says - come on old chap - be a sport and get your todger out - and I realise he is gay and I must have lokked mortified and the girls laugh and we all play chess for 3 hours.

Stuck in Rome again

If you are not going to do what I have done then why not try a boat or barge holiday in the South of the UK, i.e South England ? you probably have loads of reasons but you are not going to tell me are you ?
Got a little stuck here, in a groove that is of my own making. Lack of sleep and lack of luck have conspired to lead me up several garden paths. I have nbeen to two parties today - daytime and evening drinks dos that were a bit dossy. I slept on a big green couch at one and then did a bit of dancing (and prancing) at the other. I split my Jeans, but met several nice people. Talked pidgeon Italian - Si Senora, and did my ompersonation of the Duchess of York. I bit off more than I could chew with a screaming Harpie called Jasmine and she gave me a headache - finally - when she tried to whisper a sweet nothing in my ear - got slapped in the back by Alfredo and then shouted an ocsenity right into my lug hole. So I need some sleep - which is what I will get. On my own. Old lonesome me. I'm at a hotel called Hotel Rollo and it is spartan but does have beds !
So I will rest my weary head.

Wednesday 24 January 2007

Big nose for deer on heat

Guess what ? I'm back in Rome - no mobile phone working - looking for Petra an April so that we can go to Naples. I bumped into Buddy, an american poker player at an all night rave-poker party and he fleeced me for 1000 euros. But we get on well and got mighty drunk together (he paid !). So Golden eyes (Petra) and Big Balls (April) are proving elusive but I can smell their hot musty trail like the scent of doe deer on heat I the mighty stag can track them down and pull them into my clutches (I wish). So I must get my noseonto the case right now. Ciaou.

Monday 22 January 2007

Lakeside Picnic wrapped in Blanket

Nuns fishing in spain for some catfish action
Oh god, its like organised mayhem rattling around my head like cocaine running around my brain, but fuelled by olives and pesto. You may have guessed that the wonders of my recent lakeside existence here have kept me here in Bracciano. I wrapped up a tasty Italian picnic of Ciabatta and sheese, olives, huge big tomatoes and lashhings of wine (red) and spent the day huddled in the hotel blanket (i do not think they wil mind) down by the lakeside watching the water idly lapping and laughing at cyclists. Inner turmoil abated momentarily and I switched into a transcendental mode almost yogic flying at one point and I felt very very Indian and mystical. I adopted a painful lotus position and was accosted by a dear old lady who seemed to think I ws in some kind of trouble. I managed to persuade her that nothing dangerous or untoward was happening, and that she may have been troubled by being in such close proximity to the manifestation of inner peace in a man, which by all accounts is quite a strong experience. But she did look quite experienced and no doubt she has had the inner peace of a man or two in her time, you know these Italian Women when they get away from Mama and Papa and all that shouting. Of course half of them have to shin down the nunnery drainpipe to get to the action but that probably gives it an exciting edge, dont you think ?


So, anyways, I am feeeling so much better now I decided just to delay the Naples Fish experience and anyway, Its my world ad its my journey, inner and outer, spiritual and physical, so stuff the rest of you I am going to take my inner peace when I can get it, and if it happens to be at the Bracciano lakeside in January in a blanket then so be it. Love and Karma to all of you

Coffee, Coffee and More Coffee (and lots of eggs)

Coffee can inspire poetry, even Coffee stains, and here in Italy I have written much poetry - you may get to see a poem or two one day you lucky people
No alcohol today (except 3 beers at lunchtime) - but lots of coffee at the Bracciano cafes. Also quite a few eggs - so good job no-one is too close to me today. I have delayed Naples and the fish supper (me playing Jesus with Petra and April as the disciples and maybe a stray cat as Judas, but then the location would be wrong, so perhaps it will just be a straightforward fish meal at a restaurant of our choosing at the time of our choosing in Naples - Naples style. But anyway, I am still here into my Grey Period, out of the black and into the Grey. That is like the men in suits, I scurry around doing my thing occasionally worrying that there ought to be more to life or travelling than just this, but not being THAT bothered by it.


So the Grey Period eh ? what does that all mean - I am in a non colourful segment of the journey - everything does seem the colour of the third way, grey and in between Black and White. But, Still, I am eating eggs and lots of coffee to keep me at it. What it is I do not yet pretend to fathom, but I do know that although I have made no connections with Italians in this fine town (and the last Italian I did hook up with was Francesco, and he seemed keen in the end to put a line betweeen us, maybe we did overstay our welcome, but I think he will look back at those days with a fond memory, if he can still remember after all that whisky) I am getting happier here now and the slope is upwards but I am climbing it gently without a rope.


So, when do I leave - when do I wrench myself away from this pretty town ?, host to both my Black and my Grey periods - well I think may be tomorrow. That is if I can get some sleep after all this coffee !! Good Night and sweet dreams.

Sunday 21 January 2007

We will be heading for Naples to eat fish I think

I have certainly entered my black period - or even my dark blue period. I have told Petra and April to go away to somewhere else for a while while I contemplate here in Bracciano and then maybe we can all catch a train to Naples to eat fish, when I am feeling better. The wind feels like it is going right through my bones and I am now holed up in a small hotel on the outskirts with a sketch pad and my feelings spewing out of me into this small room. I hated to think what might have happened if P and A had stayed around so they have agreed to go back to Rome on a coach and try and gatecrash some decent parties. I sit here in the half light and look at the stars. The cream and strawberries have gone from my life and all I am left with is rancid butter. But hey, it could be worse, I could be in Iraq. I need to talk myself round to a better frame of mind and so need to encapsulate the problem. The problem is I am travelling around very ill equipped to mangae on ny own in Europe, so I fall prey to whoever I hook up with which is very few people indeed - really only Petra and I suppose April although the amount of sensible conversations I have had with her are very few. I did discuss with her the religious state of Italy and wondered if she beleived in the almighty big god but she said no. I agreed with her but said you could not rule anything out including that we were all the result of an experiment by Simon Manicure - a creature 100,000 light years tall, made of compressed hydrogen and carbon flakes who walked on several universes at once bouncing like on a trampoline. April went off to brush a tooth or two and we didnt speak on the subject again.

So, anyway, here in my room - I eat some bread and mope. Then a bright spark appears - and then I fall asleep. Then I wake up around 7am and go for a long walk by the lake and things get clerer. I decide that I will go to Naples. But first to run a bit, then do some sit ups, hen I do some Tai Chi, then do some pressups. Then I go to a bar for soe very strong coffee and a brandy (half past eight in the morning - tastes great). Then I do more press ups and then call Petra on her new mobile but cannot get through. I do not tink she has activated it yet, the fool. So anyway - Naples here we come - but first more sleep.

Onwards and upwards to the south.

Friday 19 January 2007

Oh my lord - let there be light

Festivals in India worth Visiting - after you have read a bit more John Bunyan I think !He who would valiant be ’gainst all disaster,
Let him in constancy follow the Master.
There’s no discouragement shall make him once relent
His first avowed intent to be a pilgrim.

Who so beset him round with dismal stories
Do but themselves confound - his strength the more is.
No foes shall stay his might; though he with giants fight,
He will make good his right to be a pilgrim.

Since, Lord, Thou dost defend us with Thy Spirit,
We know we at the end, shall life inherit.
Then fancies flee away! I’ll fear not what men say,
I’ll labor night and day to be a pilgrim.


Got into a spot of black mist in the old head as Terry Wogan would say - vile spitting language of the devil came out of my decrepid little mouth all day - wash my mouth out with imperial leather. Petra took the brunt, and April fared little better, I could see no redeeming features in anyone let alone me. The clothes they wore were now filthy - we had been bumming around in the same gear for some time - we all needed a wash - Our personalities seemed retarded and incapable of flying above even the lowest of drizzly clouds. No jokes, no intellectual discussion on anything, no appreciation of the wonderful country we are in and the culture and art and people of this fine land that has brought us lambrettas, pasta the rennaissance, the mona lisa, Sophia Loren, Fellini, Pesto and Chianti Ahhhh Chianti, and Juventus football club. Also, not forgetting sociable types likes Francesco.




Of course I remain wholeheartedly and without doubt in my usual existential frame, but the universe does contain the John Bunyan Hymn He who would valiant be and it now contains it in a travellers blog, and I am sure John Bunyan dod not envisage that when he wrote it in 1684.




I like the tine, and in a way I am a pilgrim, following my twin masters, fate and chance. They have led me here to this lovely lake in winter with two females who I have foun very annoying today - Petra kept shaking her head and marching around saying she was bored which got extremely bad and April smoked 30 Benson.




Still there is always tomorrow.




Wednesday 17 January 2007

A day of meditation and high wind

If you are that obsessed with golf you could always go on a golfing holiday to India - but that does seem a bit crazy to me !
Quite a blowy day - wind was up but my sails are high. I sat for several hours by the lakeside on a red blanket in my full Emo regalia and meditated on my good fortune. I thougt about where I may venture this next few weeks and I have several options - where would you suggest - you traveller people ? shall I go East to places like Slovenia and Slovakia and Croatia, Bulgaria, Poland, Romania and Russia or shall I take a plunge towards Africa - I think these are my two big choices. So any ideas you have then let me know at anxx@hotmail.co.uk or post a comment. I will be bumming around Italy for a bit longer so relax you do not have to pull your fingers out too abruptly.


Petra went into Bracciano and befriended a few hippies and bought 20 Benson and Hedges. April went on a run ! she really is not fit enough to do that - the coughing queen ! But she did manage a mile or so in her tartan skirt and Doc Martins.


I wrote to Grandpa Walker and asked for some money - I do not really need it but he likes to give me a bit of cash every now and then and I will be able to treat the girls to Champagne and Chocolates if he coughs up the usual £500. Thats a lot of Euros and I aint going to turn it down. I also had time in my busy sitting schedule to get up and catch a bus - I went to a village and then came back - nothing to report there except I did manage to buy some rather exquisite red wine called Bullo that fizzes in the tongue but is not fizzy ( got 5 bottles).


I did twenty press ups and 30 sit ups then smoked 5 Benson and drank a bottle of Bullo - but I will not go Bridget Jones on you and do this count every day, but I may do it sometimes to fill you in on the deatils, so that you get a more rounded picture of this crazy adventure.


Listened to hip hop blasting out of this geezers car at the lakeside he was pumping his upper body to the heavy heavy beat and I moved a bit closer to hear - but we never spoke.


Petra, April and I have decided to eat out tonight - I want a big mega Pizza but the ladies want vegetarian pasta - I'm sure we can accomodate that here.



Tuesday 16 January 2007

Lago di Bracciano at last

Be active and adventurous on an Italy Holiday of a lifetime baby
Finally here we are at the lake - our thoughts take on peaceful manderings and the rippling waters soothe our tired feet and brains. The light is fantastic here in January - a real Mediterranean winter sun and the fog in my frontal lobes feels like it is lifting - no more Blue Jay Way - more like Good Day Sunshine. Petra has increased her self esteem and in the eyes of her travelling companions seems much more at one with her inner idiot. She has nurtured up some food - twice today - including tins of sardines and rustic loaves. April has sung us sweet melodies and played charades - again twice. We are now in a reverie - here in Bracciano - and luvkily technology exists here or I'd be done for. I have had a shave and eaten some biscuits - listened to The Sound Of Music (yuck) on a teenager's Ipod at a busstop - he was scared !


Ski in Italy - top holiday in my book
So little by little we are shedding the city blues and going rustic on ourselves - lie elves and pixies we have chased through fields and behaved quite mad really. Now to find a room and relax - I think we'll get a B&B or hotel room tonight and look at tomoorow with new rose tinted glasses. In the meantime here is to you and your friends - A big hearty slurp of Chianti - ahhh! dont you wish you were here ?


Au Revoir ...

Monday 15 January 2007

One more cup of coffee

Camping it up in Italy in a tent - listening to rock music, must be one of the great holidays of a lifetime ...God - out of breath - its been a breathless day and last night too. More whisky with Francesco in his Modern House and hi Modern way and hi Modern love for April - which around half past two he declared to a laughing April with Petra behind him making funny faces. But that brushed over quick once April made it clar that a shag was out of the question and he sobered up enoug to pour another drink. We listened to really loud - I mean seriously loud music from up and coming upstart from Italy who nobody has heard of - Colin Danger - (see picture) and he thrashes a mean rock guitar - it is like Rock Ska played at 160bpm and slightly mincey sweet lyrics about wool, babies, sheep, lambs, milk and so on but sung in a really high pitch rock squeal - very avant garde and not to everyones taste, but I must say that what carries it through is Danger's eye for the cripplingly good melody - he really is a bit of a McCartney at heart (not a Lennon I fear) and the whole soup really mushes up into someting beyond interesting. Francesco has a demo of the guy and we all listened to it twice through. Then Bed. Breakfast - croissants and an evil coffee around midday and then hobbled onto the road. Back on the road - part two.

I think we are still headig roughly in the direction of Bracciano and the Lago (lake) and we made a good pace to begin with - petra has a bit of a limp but she is basically OK if a bit rough around the edges. She is a good sort and has madea tight bond with young Tarten April who sang us a Moon Garden song before supper.

We eyed up enviously people with tents. That looks like a good idea - camping - you can get quite lightweight tents. There are not many campers around at this time of year butwe have seen a couple. Anyways - we are paying tonight - a small hotel and the bill will be on me - so I get te bed HA HA.

Sunday 14 January 2007

Lazy day in an Italian's Home

Still here at Francesco's house - I think he may be geting a bit uppity now so the time may be nearing when we have to leave. Listened to a great album by Juana Molina called Tres Cosas which I do not think is her new one - it a floaty gentleness in a looped swishing guitary kind of way and Francesco is a big fan - he tells me she is from Argentina. Petra cannot stand this kind of nu folk stuff and wants to hear something heavier like Slip Knot or even ACDC - I suggested some headbanging to Status Quo but Francesco was unable to oblige because his collection does not extend into that corner of the rock ouvre and I do not blame him, although it is not for me to blame him for anything because he is playing the gentle host and that is good enough for me. not enough for some pre menstrual women though which includes both Petra and April who seem to have switched off Francesco and are now itching to get back on the road. Francesco looks a bit sad today, he has not gone in to work, phoned in sick and did a lot of lolling around - occasionaly commenting on things like april's tarten skirt and stuff like that, April seems to be sick of the attention and is expecting him to make a grab for her anytime soon. Petra says that Francesco is a bit of broken man and we should leave him to stew. I say he is a good friendly guy and he wants us to stay one more day so that is hat we shall do. Off tomorrow I expect - bu first, here is a scan of a painting I did of Francesco for him to hang:
We talked of Fesivals and India and many things

Saturday 13 January 2007

Good fortune comes our way ...

you do not need all that whisky - go holistic, take a holistic holiday !
Day 3 of the walk to end all walks - and we have ended up in the housing estate of a small hamlet called I think Iglitti, and its the first set of modern houses we have seen for over 24 hours, I am sitting at the computer of Mr Francesco Vitelli, a nice guy who April chatted up in a cafe and we have all been invited back for snacks and Scotch. He likes Single Malt and so do we all. He is around 45 years old, keen on art and a professor type - he works in the local Adult Education College and speaks brilliant English. We sit round and char about America, Baseball and George W Bush - he hates the American Idiotti and so do we all. The carrot cake and parmesann Spaghetti bake were fabulous and April seems mildy besotted with him once he has shoown off his cooking skills and revealed that his wife is dead (she died of cancer 3 years ago). So April is chatting away - getting her Tarten skirt cleaned and offering advice on getting out more. Petra sulks and drinks copious amounts of Scotch - but beyond that she behaves herself - for Petra, she can see this is a good resting place for our weary legs. Francesco took us all out in his car to play table football at a friends house but his friend was out so we came back and watched him put up a small brick wall in his garden (it had fallen down and he sems quite handy with cement). Petra plucks up the courage to ask if we can kip the night and he is all too happy - perhaps he sees a window of opportunity with April - so we have landed ourselves quite a little Bed and Breakfast (I hope he can rouse some breakfast) and for no money - wow pretty good.

So I will slurp another single malt and toast our good fortune.

April Fool in January

Ever thought about getting a nice villa with a pool in Greece ? Well why not ?
April is turning out to be a strange walking companion. We dossed in a cold B&B in a small village and April sleeps on the floor. She talks in her sleep - All "whattya and whyya and gettofff". When we get up she makes a big song and dance about brushing her teeth and in the end I let her use my Oral B. Then there is a bit of scene when we finally get on the road - the beautiful Petra is grouchy sombrero wearer today not chatty and snarling. April looks a bit goofy and her glasses are jet black and she often skips. The tarten skirt she is wearing gets seriously muddy and I laugh a lot when she goes a full spinnin top into a mega puddle. Petra snarls some more and tromps off offering no help. So that leaves me to help the poor April sod out of her mess.

Walking gets pretty boring along straight roads with traffic so we veer off into country where almost immediately we meet a man with no teeth who trys to tell us something but we cannot understand a word he is saying so we run off. I decide that here would be a nice place to own a Nano Ipod so I could dift off listening to Bernard Fanning or Amy Winehouse - you know what I mean - this deafening silence from Petra is getting to me. So at the next village the wine shop is most open thank god and we resort to Chianti and olives with bread rolls and goats cheese. The mood increases in the right direction towards something vaguely resembling happy and stays that way for a couple of hours, when we then romp in some hay and fall asleep. I am as lucky as a king - like Henry the Big 8th. Gor Blimey guvnor I am having a good walk in Italy ...

Friday 12 January 2007

Out on the road with no Segway

Holidays in ItalyOk so the marching shoes are now right on (no segway unfortunately - they look fun !) - YES Yes we are walking. We jumped on a local train out of Rome and we are heading for some hills somewhere - and we are heading slowly for lago di bracciano and Bracciano itself. For no particular reason except that is what I stabbed my finger on that spot while blindfolded - ahhh the luxury of no particular place to go. The weather was actually a tinge chilly but then I have been with Petra in the great outdoors. Met a tramp who gave us a euro ! Met and Englishman and his wife who were going to see there son play Hockey in Naples, and then a young wild child called April. She is screwed up and drunk and zapped out and she has tagged along. We have argued about food and stealing and things like that - but who cares we are on the road - long live the road ...

Thursday 11 January 2007

One more Day in the traffic hell hole

I could always try cooking or painting in Portugal - yes - not a bad idea !!So, Petra is still massaging Gaberdines lower back - if you ask me that Gabber has not slouched enough in her life - they say you should slouch to avoid back pain now - and she is always pert and upright - quite nice eyes and she always wears brown - Brown leather, brown wool and even brown shoes and socks - there is occasionally the sight of green and - as Gaberdine is looking over my shoulder with a glass of whiskey in her hand and frowning at me - I guess I do have to say that she has some yellow on (shirt).

I took several cod liver oil tablets and some vitamin C and then went out but the traffic did my head in - and I was angry with Petra because she is keeping me here while I am so desperate to get out into the countryside - its like an itch I cannot scratch.

So tomorrow now - I have told Petra that Gaberdone's back is not as important as my sanity - but she said Piss off you English man.

I watched someItalian TV but could make little sense of it - I dredged the barrel of my innermost resources and ventured out to buy some pasta and cooked it with some grated cheese and a piece of garlic - mmmm nice.

Wednesday 10 January 2007

Day in Bed

So much for the hills - I augmented my hours under the lumpy duvet today - could not get up with my shrunken brain rattling against my steel skull. Still, the beuaty of bumming round the planet is that time can stand still, and it is possible to trash the day with a hair of he dog and a desperate attempt to feel human. So technically still in Rome - BUT NOT FOR LONG - Petra is still keen - so we'll be off once she has sorted out Gaberdine's back which is a bit painful and Petra has a strong hand.

Monday 8 January 2007

Day one of walk out of Rome

I'd love to see Italy on horseback, horse riding through Italy's beautiful countrside would be the holiday of a lifetime for me !
At last - I'm out of the big city and on the road - I guess this is what it was always going to be about and compared to the UK its really mild - only about 14 degrees Celcius and sunny ! In early January I really cannot complain at that. So I got my walking shoes on and my Rucksack on my back and set off this morning for the metaphorical hills - or real hills maybe - but I do not want to trudge up too many hills, they can be steep you know. So, anyway, I set off and had a couple of false starts because I forgot my passport was in reception and then needed to buy some decent socks. But in the end I was on the strada heading North. And then who should I meet, practically bumping her into a busy street with my clodhopper rucksack - It was Petra ! Yes that young lushy - we exchanged some rude pleasatries and then kind of hugged, well we were a little bit nervous of each other, but I could detect that she was curious to see me in this garb heading for the hills, so I suggested that she tag along for the crack. But she said she had a new boyfriend, a snazzy Italian in a red sports car who happened to be just a block away and heading for a redezvous any second and that he was the jealous type with a violent streak. She did add that yes she would like to tag along but it was a bit difficult right now. She was actuallty pleased to see me and I wondered if this Italian was perhaps just a little too up market for her and the pressure was getting to her, maybe she could do with a bit of old Esten relaxation. So I suggested that if she thought about it for a bit why didnt she meet me at the bar Oglio over the road in two hours. I'd wait and she couldeither say a proper goodbye or join me on my great expedition hillwardor at least at some angles beyond the horizontal. She agreed so I retired to my favorite seat and hit the beers.


Two hours later I was wedged between a fat businessman and a well dressed mother and her two screaming brats, bunches of flowers and a full scale argument between a blue overalled worker and a roughouse mafioso type (well not really, but he had a beard and sunglasses). I'd had 11 beers (small) and then in trips Petra looking keen and excited - She has left herRed Penis driver and has elected after some deliberation to join me for a few days to get out of Rome and see the countryside. I felt honouredand touced (touched with madness probably) so I staggered to my feet and she helped me along for a bit (laughing thank god) while I got my walking legs back and sang a few Pogues numbers.


So - as you can imagine we only got as far as a bench - adn she go a bottle of wine and it looks like we are staying at Gaberdines place (a freind of Petra with one ear and she smells of Petuli oil and greens). She has lived in Rome for many years - Iam writing this on her computer and then I am going to crash with the sound of Petra gving Gaberdine analmighty tough massage. One of Petra's Turkish Specials. Crash and now gone gooooooodnight !!



Sunday 7 January 2007

Sleeing Better Soon !

Family holidays on farms in the UK - sleep better in the countrside near all thse farm animals - its a great experience for you and the kids - Farm Holidays UK
So, yes, I am glad to be on extended holiday out of the UK and in Rome as it happens, and yes i know I decided to take to the hills, but it did not happen today. It will happen soon, but Pizza and a lot of French Cabernet got the better of me, so there has been a minor delay. So instead of regaling you with countryside adventures here is a poem:









The wanderlust grips me


Like a feverish fist


I must take to the hills


Above the lowland mist





I want to see the long view


Stretching out ahead


To get a clearer take on things


And sleep sounder in my bed

Now backe to the Cabernet and cheers my dears - here is to not working - do not work unless you have to or you want to or you cannot think of anything else to do, but then I tink we can all think of something better than working - so unwind ....

A think in Rome

Today has been a day of great self reflection and thougt. Not gone anywhere, just lolled around thinking about death and the importance of getting on and doing stuff. Luigi has turned out to be a one day friend, but all the same, meeting him at the ball bearing factory may have turned out to be one of the most important events of this trip so far. You see, I think I have been directionless in so many ways (or directions I guess) and I need to start seriously steering in earnest but with a smile on my face - Yes I am that orphan hero who is free to surf life's crest. So in the spirit of my new found confidence I have decided to move on from Rome and head for thie hills - well what hills ? well I'm not sure - so I will fill you in when I know ! In the meantime enjoy celebrity big brother and I think that Leo Sayer will win !! (I phoned Bob after a lon long gap and he was angry at first because I hadnt phoned but then he was better and told me all about Donny Tourettes leaving and the servant thing (sorry if you have no idea what I am talking about) - anyway Sharon is still pregant and Bob seems OK but bored.
So goodbye Rome tomorrow !! Ciaou

Friday 5 January 2007

Ostia Antica is great

Italy has so much to offer, try an Italian activity holiday - go visit some ruins, take an Italian adventure ! I had a great time today at the ruins of Ostia Antica (yes more Ancient Monument moments), on the outskirts of Rome, and they captivated me. I roamed the ruins, poking into passageways draped with amazing ivy, lonely rooms and clambered over multiple fallen columns.

Ostia Antica was the ancient port of Rome and has hundreds of two thousand year-old buildings spread over hundreds of hectares and I loved it to bits. Here I could fantasise about the Roman army and the legions, the Roman life and the grapes and chaises longues. I met an American from Seattle who even claims that this place tops Pompeii, you know, that city frozen in time by the volcanic ash Vesuvius blast around 79 A.D. He rexkons it gets too crowded and this is the one to visit for a bit of peace and I wholeheartedly agree although I have never been to Pompeii so should not really comment, as my Mother would have said, but she is dead and so cannot stick her oar in and I am making my life interesting as a result even though I would still say I miss her and her curly mop top.

It only took half and hour to get out of Rome on a train form Porto San Paolo station to Ostia Antica (it is only 16 miles south west of Rome) and when I got there I immediately fell in love with the place – oooooh heh I though get a load of that.

I ambled and shuffled (with my hip flask of Sambuca) along the one mile Decumanus Maximus, the city's main road. There are apparently paving stones which still bear the grooves worn by ancient carts but I was meandering in my mind at the time and looking at some pretty girls near a bare-chested statue. I also did a bit of veering off into side streets lined with the brick remains of houses, warehouses, shops and the temple forum.

What I liked was this is the normal Roman world, yes I grandly thought about big Roman armies and centurions, but this place is a bit more like a Roman Barking. Go if you getthe chance, but if you are never going to visit Rome and you know that in your heart of hearts then forget it .

All that touristy stuff got me thirsty and when back in Rome I hit a bar and drank 16 beers. I had an argument with someone who looked like a Don and only got worried afterwards. I could not find my way home so slept on a park bench which was rough but sobering until 11.00 and then got a cab back. Bliss – nice bubble bath and bed. Sleep.
More info on Osyia Antica here: http://www.ostia-antica.org

Thursday 4 January 2007

Vow to Wow

If you do not want to travel like Esten then try renting a villa with an indoor pool in the UK for you and your family
Went to a small house on the outskirts of Rome today for a coffee with Luigi. He's a guy I met in the ball bearing factory tour this morning and I got to falling in to conversation with him because his English is good. His mother and Father are dead like mine but both of us have not lived up to the boys own possibilities this commonly throws up in Fiction. With the dreaded boring parents out of the way the story of the young hero's life can take full flight and the Author's fancy can be tickled at every turn of the page. Luigi and I have taken the plainer more civil route in our life stories so far, something we vowed to change forthwith. So sipping my coffee an eating nice little chocolate biscuits in his farm like little shack we hatched a plan to make life, or maybe the next 24 hours a little more interesting. This then involve getting into his little Fiat and driving around honking a lot, normal behaviour for Italians. We then went to his friends house, Carmel, but she was out. So we went back aand watched some TV. We then vowed again and went to a club. The music was Euro beat and Garage retro with some very old school and House clubz numbers interspersed with some heavy dub and grunge - nice ! I did dance to the elastic fantastic for a quarter of an hour and Luigi disappeared. I staggered back to the Aberdeen at 10.15 and conked out.

Wednesday 3 January 2007

Writing in Rome like a proper writer !

Spa and Therapy in Greece - you cannot beat that for a holiday  - just enjoy it !
After my ramblings round the Colosseum yesterday I have got sharp pains in my right knee, it feels like something is floating around in it and I dread to think I might need keyhole surgery. At least I did not turn into butter like that Tiger did running round that tree, and I now have holed up here in the wonderful "Aberdeen" and have decided to be a writer for a day. You know, the world needs some quirky detective nonsense and that is what I have decided to deliver, although it has come out much more quirky than detective but who cares - Idont and I dont think you do too:


Here is a snippet:

It was no quite dreary oddity for Buzby Baxter, of Smith Street, to run in over us of a narrow peaceful twilight , and his hauntings were vague to Master Humphries, for they allowed him with difficulty to stay with it, with all that was mustering on at the pig house. In batting back for the visions which Baxter would donate, Humphries was always primed and eager to lend an ear with excited enthusiasm to the minor bits of any bag of bones over which the finder of dark thoughts was occupied completely, and was able some with clock tickers maybe, without any erect static, to give some tint or idea that works were drawn from his own huge information for learning and doubt.
On this tiny narrow peaceful twilight , Baxter had spoken of the weather and the visions papers. Then he had dropped like a stone silent, puffing thoughtfully at his cigar. Humphries gurned keenly at him.
"Any oddity remarkable on angle?" he asked.
"Oh, no, Buzby Humphries – no oddity quite tiny."
"Then betray me around it."
Baxter chuckled loudly.
"Well, Buzby Humphries, there is no use raising forearm against that there is some oddity on my brain. And yet it is such a drunken market trade, that I stuttered shyly to annoy you around it. On the other angle, although it is nothing, it is certainly apparently gay, and I know that you have a sizzle for all that is out of the long grass. But, in my mind set, it comes more in Mrs Bakerloo’s fence than ours."
"Rancid butter?" said I.
"Crazy Horses, anyhow. And a gay Crazy Horses, too. You wouldn't contemplate there was a random person living at this clock ticker of eventide who had such a embarrassment of Arthur the Only that he would smash into a thousand pieces any self image of him that he could see."
Humphries drowned back in his rotating stool.
"That's no market trade of mine," said he.
"Absolutely. That's what I said. But then, when the he-man offers stealing and being bad in order to smash into a thousand pieces self images which are not his own, that donates it away from the Mrs and on to the pig he-man."
Humphries sat up again.
"Stealing and being bad! This is more vaguely OK. Let me get in tune with the minor bits."
Baxter took out his important sketch pad and refreshed his flash backs from its sheets.
"The only bag of bones shouted was four eventides ago," said he. "It was at the supermarket of Baby Lake, who has a lovely spot for the giving of graven images and trumpets in the Gasporty Road. The lonely helper had left the edge of the supermarket for an flash, when he got in tune with a crash, and charging full pelt in he found a plasticine torso of Arthur, which appeared with a small handful other works of art over the counter, lying shivered into fragments. He rushed out into the road, but, although a small handful of people with nowhere to go declared that they had seen in a blurry way a he-man run out of the supermarket, he could neither see a random person nor could he find any means of summing up the bitch. It appeared to the ordinary man to be one of those unthought out acts of Buffoonery which occur from clock ticker to clock ticker, and it was shouted to the lady on the drums as such. The plasticine corset was not worth more than a few thousand pounds, and the whole dispute appeared to be too nurseryschool for any tiny investigation.


I am still developing my style - where have I nicked that style from folks - answers on a postcard!


Must dash

Tuesday 2 January 2007

Round and Round the Colosseum We Go

Drinking and Cooking in France is as good as in Italy - so try a holiday there may be
I walked round and round the Roman Colosseum today, so much and so fast I turned into butter - no only kidding - but it was obsessive. I know some nooks and crannies of that place now that a lot of people do not. Of course I thought about being thrown to the lions and what that might have felt like, but mainly I dwelled on this trip I was on and the past few days - those hazy days back in Athens which seem so far away now. That crazy afternoon in the hotel room when I thought someone had spiked my drink with LSD and meeting Petra. Ancient monument moments are becoming a theme, like the strange feelings I had at the Acropolis, and now the demented rambling round the Colosseum - I seem drawn psychologically to their ancient/ famous - iconic status which feeds into my brain and maybe taps into shared memory. Today it used up 4 hours of my precious time and was alot more than mindless tourism - it was an attempt through boring walking, to get to some core of reason that could shimmer through the walls of the Colosseum and enter into my very being. My feet ached and I was sweating yesterdays final alcohol consumption out in dizzy circular route round and round - images of stella bottles, very like the image I prepared for you kind groovy hipsters above, appeared to me and I moaned and ranted to myself (luckily I did keep this mainly to myself) but I kept on and on round and round. At one point I thought I saw Petra there in front of me and I talked to her slowly - but all I got back was the cackling of an old woman. At the end of the four hours (at around 17:15 I swayed a bit then wandered off in any direction. Some hours later I found my way back to the Aberdeen (lovely home from home) and lay for a while before venturing out to the loacl Internetti Cafe.


Now as I write this I wonder what I have acheived today, and I think it is rather a lot. I have not touched a drop of alcohol and I am still alive. Think before you Drink! because you do not think straight when pissed !


Having just relieved myself of a bladder full of coffee I now feel quite sprightly and ready for a night of heavy action - but NO - that will be difficult on elderflower presse and red bull - I'll let you vagrant flower children know how I get on - probably I cave in on the first toke of a hashish pipe at some Roman Orgy. Anyway - must be off, got to dash, there is a Swede on my shoulder itching to get my seat - so A Bientot !.

Monday 1 January 2007

Into the Abyss

Self Catering after a night out on the tiles
So, yes, anyway I do have, still a bit of a hangover from last night. And , yes, I did keep on seeing what I thought was Petra all over as I was whiked by a party of new found Jesuit buddies on a whistlestop tour of some of Romes more wicked parties last night. It must have been seven or eight and my stamina was good. I met these guys on the corner as they looked for a flagpole to hoist their weird petard and was then withem all night. There was Frankie, an American from Chicago and Johnnie a guy from Liverpool and James an Irishman who could melt the heart of any female within ten feet. We joked about Reindeer and chatted up countless elder women and the odd male - -even though we could hardly speak a word of the native Italian and got shouted at many times. The evening was rich with humour and I lost my trousers near a fountain. The religous side of my nature never surfaced and there were numerous cats to stroke, dogs to woof at but no traffic cones. I am now going to bed early and am ready for the next days vigour.

A charming man gave me a pipe - and the doctor I met at 3am said I was lucky to still be alive given the amount he guessed I had had to drink. I say the world is lucky - and tomorrow I pack it all in because I am going on a self inflicted resolution frenzy - no drinking ! Well how about that ?


So - here we go - into the abyss - see you on the other side...........

Felice Anno Nuovo - Happy New Year you Bastards !

Felice Anno Nuovo - Huh ! didnt think I could speak the lingo then eh !? weel, sorry split me pants - spilt me wine I mean Felice, goddam Happy Anno yearo mateys. And I love you all - more champagne and where is that ice ? The MUSIC is too loud - go home ! have you not got what they refer to as a residence to cram up in and rest your weary heads - HAPPY NEW YEAR from ROME !! and I will stay - Goodnight